Hello, i am Habiba, i am a 24 year old graphic...

Hello, i am Habiba, i am a 24 year old graphic deigner.My problem is when i was young at school i think around age 7 or 8 suddenly( my mother said there was an incident that happend to me when a teacher threw my pen away because i was writing while she ordered us to stop but i do not remember anything) , i felt so afraid of going to school, i cried all day at school i only felt safe and calm at home. I don’t remember the details but i remember the first back to school week was hell to me, the last days of vacation i would think that i am going back to school soon it would make me feel nervous , sad and want to cry with no reason except that school is back. The before first school day was very hard to sleep. I would spend the day barely talking , nervous . I am not happy to see my friends again like everyone not excited for a new year i just want to cry and go home. I would leave my friends and go search for my sister and sit with her , it felt much safer and much conformable and when the break ends its hurts to leave my sister that i want to cry again. These feelings keep going for a week until i get used to it and blend in again. Every year i had the same feelings repeating until i was in hight school i could talk to myself and calm my self down and analyze every thing to prove to myself that every thing is okay. By high school it was much better, i could deal with it until the first week feelings ends by itself. Then came college, it was terrible, much much worse than ever, it lasted for maybe over a month i would search for an empty spot and cry alone , i don’t really cry , i just feel suffocated and the crying feeling is stuck inside me with with tears in ny eyes. I tried to calm my self down but no use i just want to go home i hate the place , i only felt comfortable around old school friends who were with me at the same college. Opening the college email made me feel nervous my stomach hurt and my heart beating. The feeling hit me every semester for 4 consecutive semesters of course the first semester was the worst.By the fifth semester i was more comfortable with college and things were getting better mu frades were better i could clearly see my path clearer , i was descovering a new me i attended extra classes went to exhibitions took workshops , the in the summer searched for an internship. Internships made me nervous but i could ignore the feeling and apply. I took a 1 month internship and was so happy i did-not feel nervous , i was normal at last. Last 2 years at college were even more better this feeling never came back.I applied for many job vacancies , i was so confident in my work and confident in the interviews. I chose the one i thought it was the best for me. First day at work ws terrible it felt exactly like first day at school again this terrible feeling. And no reason at all people were friendly nothing happened really. It got worse the second and third day. I felt nervous and not comfortable all the time. Trying to stop this need to cry like a babay feeling and the need to go home. I wouldn’t sleep at night even if i do i am so alert to the environment around me like half a sleep. I would go home and searxh for my family memebers and sit with them and don’t want to sit alone. And can’t eat. I vomit in the morning before i leave for work , all i could think of is that i don not want to go. I lost control over my self and i never went to work again. I had explanations to my family , i told them i spent the day alone at the office with nothing to do and that i don’t beleive i chose right. But i could not tell them the main eesson os this feeling that is controling me and i cannot beat.One month after this i was working at a new place and this feeling did not appear at the beginning , instead at the middle of a working day the feeling would haunt me back , i would think what i am doing what is my future what is the plan ? Would i always be good ? What else could i do to replace my job if i am no more good at it .Latley, things at work were not good and i was thinking of leaving , i got so nervous i would cry to figure out what to do where to go , would i be happy if go to a new place ? What will happen to me if my something happened to my parents , if they died , i cannot always be that week . I want to understand whats wrong with me , why i get this nervous? Is it change ? Is it uncertainty? How do i deal with it and control i cannot base decisions based on this feeling. These days i only feel comfortable when i have a pland and a backup plan for my life my future. But aways wondering when will this feeling appear and how am i ready for it ?Sometimes i ask myself what if i have children in the future will this feeling get worse ? Will i feel worried ? One last thing , something i recognized lately, i when i have serious conversation with people trying to convince them with something or stating my opinion , i find my heart beating so fast and my hands really shaking , although in my cognitive state i feel strong . I feel at these times that my body is acting opposite to my state of mind . My body is so nervous while in reality and don’t feel that nervous.

Assistant: Have you seen a doctor about this yet? What medications are you taking?

No , i dont take any

Assistant: Anything else in your medical history you think the doctor should know?

No