hello im 16 years old turning 17 soon, the reason...

hello im 16 years old turning 17 soon, the reason im writing this is because i just wants answers and i want to understand what is happening to me since this never happened, ive been through alot with family and friends and relationships, i have divorced parents and i actually dont feel anything about it i have 3 siblings 1 older sister and 2 younger brothers, growing up i really had a good relationship with my sister but 2 years ago we had a small fight and till this day she refuses to speak to me whatsoever and for my 2 younger brother i have a good relationship with them all of these stuff i got used to it, im the only one and my younget brother speaks to my father so when my mom wants something or my dad im the one who you know basically pass their words this they have no contact, its really draining that i do everything when im just 16 listening to them say bad things about each other to me and there i am just quiet sometimes my mom even gets mad at me and not speak to me because she doesn't really like the fact im speaking to my father, at the end in islam i cant i have to respect both of them equally. and for my friends most of them back stabbed me spoke terribly about my name and broke my trust it was my last straw i was heartbroken all of this is happening at once i know it sounds dumb and im sorry for wasting ur time but i really need help im really close to allah i pray 5 times and in every prayer i wish that he could just take my life im really tired im having suicidal thoughts everyday and it sucks i feel so alone and i just have little hope allah will change my life to the better but i cant ive never felt this way i dont really care about anything anymore i just want to be gone i dont want to be here anymore i have no interest in anything i dont want to live i wont do anything to myself since its a sin but i really need help the overthinking i dont know i want something that can make me feel happy again is there any medicine i could buy that could help me with a doctors prescription anything pls im so miserable i never thought i would be here wishing death on myself but i really want to be gone, this has been the worst year i hate this city i just want to leave everyone has put me down ive been good to everyone, i feel so alone and lonely i dont want any love i dont want anything i want to be gone i dont have the courage to ask for help to my parents they will simply blame each other, im sorry it may sound dumb reading these but its really hurting me i feel so alone everyone left me after they betrayed me im alone i just want to die i keep having suicidal thoughts . its like ill live like this forever